Kanjiro's+Tale+1

I rode down the empty country road on my mare. The rain fell all day long and it only got heavier as night fell. It was as if nature was trying to talk to me, mocking me for my fate. Even the branches on the trees pointed at me as the knots in the bark cackled at my misfortune. Misfortune no, my tragedy…

My story is far more morbid and disturbing than any story to ever be told by man. Similar ones have been told, but none can compare to mine. Months ago, when I was traveling in the south, a man told me a story of how bandits attacked his village and ravaged his home. They took his wife, and slaughtered his mother. You know what else he told me? He told me that the bandits slit his daughter’s throat right in front of him. He told me of how she cried for her father as she lay in the bloodstained mud. When the man told me this, I did not flinch. I felt no sympathy, no compassion. I cared not about his mother or his wife. I didn’t even care about the little girl. Do you know what I felt? Envy. I envied the little girl. I wish it had been me lying dead in the mud as my world crumbled around me. Instead, I stood alive during my apocalypse. I was forced to watch as my world was destroyed around me. What is my story you ask? Do you have the stomach? Will you be able to stare into the ugly face of humanity after you hear what it can be responsible of? You have been warned. Let it be know, I am not telling you my story because I seek sympathy. I seek nothing. I am a shade of my former self, and nothing can repair me to the world I once knew.

It was cold. The night was very cold. After all these years I still feel the cold air on my face when I think of that night. It was mid winter, and snow blanketed everything. Oh, the coldness. The fires in my room must have been lit, but I cannot recall their warmth. I sat in my hall on the cold mat writing a letter to my cousin who at the time had gone to war to secure fame for himself. I had only finished the formal part of the letter when I heard a noise coming from the hall. I could hear the guards shouting for me. “Lord Sasaki, Lord Sasaki!” Their cries echoed in my frozen ears, even at the time. I stood up from the floor and moved to open the screen to the hallway. “Lord Sasaki. We have news from the west. It appears that in retaliation for your cousins attack, a large war band has laid siege to…” I didn’t even hear what the soldier had said, but I knew anyway. “…castle Matsuro.” I couldn’t stand. I had to lean against the screen. I nearly fell over but the guard propped me up. “My lord, what is your order?”

We rode to Matsuro, my entire army of 1500 men. I rode ahead of my men fully prepared for battle. The frozen air cut at my face and the wind howled at me. I had to get to Matsuro. “Jitsumi. My love… Jitsumi. I must get to her.” Her words played over and over again in my head as my horse sprinted down the road.

“Kanjiro… My love. Since the day met you, I knew that we destined be together. Our love is stronger than any oath ever sworn to any lord. It is stronger than a priest devotion to the gods. Kanjiro, now our love has finally manifested itself into the world…”

“Kanjiro… I am pregnant”

I rode hard. My army was a good mile behind me. Only my bodyguards and advisors were able to keep pace. When we finally got to Matsuro, my heart froze. The castle was in flames, and soldiers filed into the keep. The pain in my chest was unbearable. I fell from my horse and landed in the frozen snow. “My lord!” one of my advisors shouted. I couldn’t speak. I just acted. I grabbed my sword, and stumbled through the snow towards the castle. “Orders my lord?” cried one of my generals. I said nothing; I just raised my sword as I sprinted towards the keep. The order to attack was given. The fight was a blur. I couldn’t tell you how many men fell to my blade. By the time I reached the top of the keep, I was covered in the blood of those vile warriors. I ran from hall to hall, looking for Jitsumi. Then… I found her. Outside her bedroom were several samurai standing with their armor half off. I could hear cries from my love coming from the bedroom. Her screams chilled my marrow. I was frozen in my tacks, when one of the samurai turned around. I lunged at him with a rage I had never experienced before. This is where I lost myself. No memories, only images. Images filled with blood and hate. I don’t even remember killing the two guards, but their heads were in my hand as entered the room. What I saw, no man should ever have to bear witness to. On the floor, in a festering pool of her own blood, was my dear Jitsumi, naked. And on top of her, was a demon. A demon disguised as a warrior. I grabbed the demon, and dropped the heads of the guards. I lifted him off the floor and severed his… demonic spear, from his shell. He fell to the floor screaming. I still hear the sound when I sleep at night. The cries of my Jitsumi, drowned out by the wretched wailing of the demon. I had to silence him. I “impaled” him with his… demonic spear, and I severed his head from his shell. His tainted blood burned my frost bitten face. I rushed to the side of my love only to discover the unthinkable. Her eyes had been gouged out, and blood ran down her face. Her torso was ripped open, and our love, my child was laying on the cold mat silent. This was more than I could bear. I could not hold my pain in. I screamed. Jitsum’s screaming had stopped and she called out to me. “Kan… Kanji… Kanjiro… my love… is that….” “Be silent my love, please be silent.” I grabbed Jitsumi and held her close to me. “Kanj… Kanjiro… I am… I’m sorry…” “No, please no, do not apologize. Rest now. My love, you must rest.” “Our…. Our… chi…child…” “Do not speak my love. Please just rest…” Tears ran down my face. I had never cried in my whole life until that moment. It was as if I was crying out the years of happiness that I had with Jitsumi. I had to end her suffering.

“Rest now my love. I will join you shortly. Wait for me by the river. Please.”

Jitsumi, the second half to my soul, was dead. Along with her, was my unborn child. I had nothing to live for. I stumbled to the balcony, with tears in my eyes. My face began to freeze as I stared into the night. The keep was burning, and so were the watchtowers. The castle was going to collapse all around me, and I didn’t care. I just couldn’t wait for whole castle to burn; I had to end it now. I leaned over the edge of the balcony, and stared at the frozen moat below. In the distance I could se my army clash with the attacking soldiers, but I didn’t care what happened any more.

I jumped, head first on to the ice. I hit my head with a large thud. I was certain, I was dead. I could feel limbs tingle, and my chest became warm. Suddenly, I heard that noise. The wretched wail of that demon. I couldn’t bear it, but there was nothing I could do. Then I heard words.

“Get up. You do not deserve death.”

I woke days later, in that same frozen moat, surrounded by debris, and rotten corpses. I had a huge cut on my head, crusted over with frozen blood. I had nothing. So, I walked. I walked down the road, and kept going. I stopped only to eat. If I slept, the nightmares returned. Still today I have the visions of that night. I can only bear one of those nightmares, so I sleep once a month, on the same date of that day… that… hell…