Anti+Porn+sketch

INT. HOUSEHOLD

A slow, pounding bass line lays sappy beats in the background. A doorbell sounds off. Silence. A WOMAN dressed skimpily walks towards the door. She opens it. A CABLE GUY with aviator sunglasses, tight button down shirt, and a fake moustache is at the door.

CABLE GUY Hello, Mrs. Jenny...uh...Tallia...I’m here to fix your cable.

WOMAN Oh, yes...Do come in.

The cable guy walks in into the living room. He gets on his knees and starts reaching behind the TV.

WOMAN Would you like a drink? Or...anything else?

CABLE GUY No thank you, ma’am, I think I’ll be fine. (beat) No wonder...these chords are hung too low...

Another man dressed exactly the same as the cable guy comes in holding some hedge trimmers. He’s the GARDENER. A boom mike starts floating in and out of the picture. The woman pushes it away.

GARDENER Beunos dios...senora...senor...

CABLE GUY Oh, hi there!

WOMAN That’s Raoul...my gardener.

CABLE GUY I’m fixing the cable...

The gardener stares at him, not understanding a word.

The doorbell rings. The woman opens the door. A man dressed exactly the same as the cable guy and gardener is at the front door holding a pizza.

PIZZA GUY One large sausage pizza?

The boom mike appears right behind the pizza guy.

WOMAN Yes, that would be for me.

She opens the top...

WOMAN (CONT’D) Would that come with some extra sausage?

PIZZA GUY You BET it does! Its in...my pants...hold on a second.

He pulls out a little Ziploc baggy filled with sliced sausage. He sprinkles some on top of it.

WOMAN The extra sausage pleasures me so...

The cable guy and the gardener comes in.

CABLE GUY I just fixed your cable, here’s the bill...

PIZZA GUY Oh, and that would be twelve dollars.

GARDENER Dinero.

WOMAN My goodness, how can I possibly pay for all of this?

Bass beat kicks in. Silence.

__//**Here is where we need a punchline guys...I was thinking it becomes a credit card commercial at the end. Just something absurd.**//__